Just Because You’re the One Doesn’t Mean They Won’t Choose Someone Else

Just because you’re “the one,” doesn’t mean they won’t choose someone else.

I know. That hits harder than re-experiencing Angela Chase get her heart demolished by her no-good Jordan Catalano and her so-called bestie Rayanne. If you know, you know. If you don’t, do. It’ll be worth it.

We fantasize about, idolize, pedestalize, and all the rest of the -izes those we believe to be our soulmates, our twins, our ordained counterparts. You know, those perfect beings heaven-sent that will graciously continue to lie to us about how beautiful we are first thing in the morning when we clearly wake up looking like raggedy sea monsters coming up for air after a night of sea monstering. OR, that someone who will ensure that we are still loveable after absolutely destroying the toilet hours post-ingestion of that “machaca” from the little hole-in-the-wall down the street that also proudly serves the local pest population. Those kinds of special someones.

But fantasies… are just that. We are putting ourselves into relationships that don’t truly exist because the person in our mind doesn’t really exist, really. They are the versions of our people from an alternate dimension that we’ve created with our extremely powerful, extremely imaginative, and often extremely horny gray matter. I mean, kudos to us, I guess?

We’re all meandering (read stumbling) down our paths — with each having individually stylized obstacles built to the exact dimensions of the lessons we are to learn (or to fail). From our viewpoint, it may appear that our person’s pebbly path should lead right to our front door, and ‘our person’ should trip along until they fall right through said door and into our awaiting arms. But, as many of us know, that’s often not the case. Their path sharply veers and heads into f**king Rayanne’s perfectly sized yard with its perfectly lush garden, and perfectly loose-ass door! In these times, when we feel the utter mind-effery or pure emotional torment (which we mostly bring upon ourselves), we should try to remember that their path is theirs… and they can f**k it up any way they choose to (insert smiley little devil here ).

So, maybe we are the one and maybe we’re not. That’s got to be okay with us. Maybe they are just another lesson, or we are one for them. Still okay, right? Maybe, and I dread bringing this up but, it might just be timing (divine or otherwise). That could totally be legit. If it is, that’s okay, too. But if we focus on forcing those size-too-small pants over the muffin top before we’ve lost the weight (a.k.a. forcing a relationship outside of its time) it might just cause lasting damage to our internal organs and then that timing will never be right because we’ll be dead. Just period.
Sidenote: while I haven’t researched the validity of this muffin top claim, neither should you.

And as far as them being the ONE, are they really our one? Might they be our Two or Three? All I’m saying is that you and me? We’ve got options. Everyone does. We are just so wrapped up in the significance of el numero that we put blinders on blocking out the other numbers that might be more than willing to fill in the love gaps that the other person couldn’t or wouldn’t fill. Perhaps Number Four wants nothing more than to trip readily into our tight and pristine doorways! It’s okay that ‘our person’ couldn’t be our person in the way we wanted them to, as well. Aferall, it can go both ways.

The real importance here lies in our choice. If we decide to choose ourselves rather than someone else, rather than the number they may represent, we’ll flippin’ be more than okay. We’ll be ready for whatever number is right for us at the right time and we’ll enjoy all our little lessons along the way.

However, if you ever do feel low because your supposed “one” is acting like a straight Jordan Catalano, just revisit the magical moment when Angela Chase woke up one morning (no sea monster) and said these infamous words — –

“I loved Jordan Catalano so much and talked about him so much and thought about him so much. And it was like he lived inside me… Like he’d taken possession of my soul or something. And then, one day… I got over it!”

And from one sea monster to another, you will get over it too.

Side-sidenote: I am NO professional. So, please take me with a grain of salt. I’m more of a pra-fessional — someone who has experienced enough rejection and heartbreak to satisfy a multitude of lovesick idiots over a multitude of lifetimes. This is all my opinion stemming from my experience and my newfound desire to resolve the issues that have plagued me as a result.

Also, if you’d like to read my little unrequited love note, you can find it linked below!

Un-Req’d
Dear…
ashanticeleste.medium.com

#MySo-CalledLifeEffinRocks

—

This post was previously published on medium.com.

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From The Good Men Project on Medium

What Does Being in Love and Loving Someone Really Mean?

My 9-Year-Old Accidentally Explained Why His Mom Divorced Me

The One Thing Men Want More Than Sex

The Internal Struggle Men Battle in Silence

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